Chapter Text
(A/N): Yes, Yes I know another story. Yayyyyy......suck it up and read nerds!!!
Enjoy!
Welcome! To your new life! (again)
Apologies for the delay.
I stared blankly at the glowing text that hovered before my eyes, even when I closed them, the words remained, haunting me in an eerie, pristine white.
Sighing, I glanced around the room I found myself in. It was simple, with a bed, some basic furniture, and a wooden giraffe lamp perched on the nightstand beside the bed. The sight of it softened my expression—a gift from one of the kind women who helped out at the orphanage where I grew up.
I scoffed at the floating letters. A rather dull welcome to this new life, not at all like the previous ones I’d experienced. Those lives, though varied and fruitful, had their own strange beginnings and endings.
My mind wandered back to the moments before this latest rebirth, to the singing I heard as I died—a comforting hymn that lulled me into a sense of peace, lowering my guard. I could still remember the first time I died, cradled in the arms of my girlfriend at the age of 25. A gunman had opened fire in the food court where we were eating, an event that seemed impossible in South Korea, a country with stringent gun laws. I’d been lucky at first, avoiding the worst of the chaos, but there wasn’t much I could do when we were cornered with only one exit.
So, I did what anyone in love would do—I shielded her with my body, taking the brunt of the gunfire. The pain was the only thing I could focus on until I lost consciousness and died.
My second life was even worse. I was a nerd in my first life, so when I found myself reborn in the grimdark universe of Warhammer 40K, suicide wasn’t an option. Fortunately, my home wasn’t near the Eye of Terror or any other nightmarish locations. Unfortunately, I was a Blank—a Pariah, to be exact. Life became a constant struggle as the Imperium hounded me 24/7, and people tried to kill me just for existing. If I’m being honest, I’d rather have been a psyker. At least then I wouldn’t have been ostracized by everyone around me, though since I wasn't a Pariah at birth I had somewhat of a childhood.
Still sucked, because of course, something out in reality, had to make me different; as I developed into a Pariah in my early teens once I realized where I was truly at.
I wasn't even in 40K....no I was just before the Horus Heresy so it was much much worse. At least befriending Sanguinius had made his life so much easier, Baal Secundus while being a terrible planet to live on wasn't too bad of a place. At least for mutants and seeing he was the biggest mutant that could ever be a mutant, life left me well enough alone.
And while I say “befriended,” it was more like Sanguinius sought me out constantly, asking why I was avoiding him and rambling on about all sorts of things.
I asked him straight if the only reason he spoke to me was because I held his foresight back, to which he'd reply that he'd be a terrible leader if he didn't want some reprieve.
It was a good retort I'd give him that.
And so began our friendship, with me acting in a somewhat advisatory role and him constantly asking me questions about rather mundane topics.
Honestly, it had felt nice to finally have a friend when all I had was pain because of my genetics.
No woman no cry stuff; you'd think that at that point I'd have at least an idea about how to go about saving the Universe before the worst could happen but I was just a dumb college student with some military training.
Who was barely about to hit his early 20s once again; living in a mutant-infested world with raiding tribal bands and all that it entailed.
As if I could go about fixing the Universe when even some of the greatest minds couldn't, at least I knew the lore of 40K so I knew where to avoid if I ever got off the hell hole I called home.
Not that I could avoid anything once Big Emps came. Usually, the saying is like father-like-daughter instead I was stuck with like father-like-son. Quite literally the two acted like
I was more surprised I hadn't been hauled off to some unknown region to combat some enemy to die for the Emperor.
I later found out there was a reason behind it all but I died at the end of the Heresy, sacrificing myself for Sanguinius while Horus stared down at me in horror.
Apparently, he wasn't expecting me to do that as I'd met the man many times throughout that life acting as the Revenant Legion's Chapter Master, though I never took on the augmentation of an Astartes. Mr. Angel wouldn't let me, nor would Emps for that matter, and none of the other Primarchs would help me figure out why, besides best bro Guilliman.
Could always count on Roboute for anything, he was the only one who'd listen to reason.
Anyway after my death, Azkaellon should have taken over and hopefully, Sanguinius would have been able to assist Emps as I convinced him to always go for the firearm first before going into battle sword first like an idiot.
Alas, I probably never know.
My third life began the minute I closed my eyes in my second, opening them back up as I felt a scorching pain around my heart area. I'd honestly thought one of the chaos gods was trying to get to me but it couldn't.
Instead, I awoke in a land called Astora. Yes, I can tell what you're probably thinking.
That's some crazy bullsh*t.
Indeed it was because so began my life in Miyazaki's playground filled with death, death, and more death.
Believe me, it was as unfun as it sounded. Honestly, I should have counted it as many lives but since I didn't transport anywhere after the fact, well I count it as only one.
Thankfully I didn't have Blank bullsh*t to have to contend with....just a Dark Sign which was way, way worse. But, hey that's life.
Yet for some insane reason, even after all the precautions I took, I still ended up in Lordran. Which meant, that yes I was the chosen undead.
A better course of faith, of course. Though I didn't really want to burn for a millennium, not that it mattered it seemed. As I still did burn for a long ass time as I later learned that the game did not do the Soulsverse much justice to exactly how big it was nor how powerful the people in it were.
Because old decrepit Gwyn still kicked my ass ten-ways till Sunday. When I finally finished burning I thought I'd gone to another universe but instead, I was still there, just in part 2. Had to complete that...and then part 3 as well.
Sucked ass but whatever could I do.
Why, go to Bloodborne of course. As all sane people would do when they die because killing Elder Gods was totally what my calling in life was. And it didn't stop there either as I then had to go through Sekiro(not as Wolf of course because nothing could ever be that easy) and then with the cherry on top more Elder Gods.
Because Elden Ring totally needed their Elden Lord and I was of course the best choice now after I had killed and killed more Gods and Beasts than probably even Kratos could claim.
And that's saying something.
At least there I had some peace, threw my two cents in with Ranni, and made sweet sweet love to many of the ladies of the Lands Between.
Why? Cause I could. The Lands Between was already filled with such terribleness that I wanted to at least give back much how what had been lost.
I was, after all, one of the lost as well.
Funnily enough, I don't remember sitting on the Elden Throne nor did I ever want to, but I do remember seeing Marika whole before I blanked so I wasn't sure what had happened there. Ranni was there as well but after that, I can't remember.
Not that Melina had been around anymore, she was still pissed at me for burning for her because of course burning for someone I cared for was wrong and only she could do that as it was her purpose.
Not like the Frenized Flame had been able to do much to me, it was like a fat puppy if he was being honest. Couldn't even come close to the Primordial Flame I burned myself in before I even got to it and believe me it tried its best to make me yield at first.
The First Flame however wasn't anyone's bitch, as it raged out of me with such vigor I didn't even know it was even there in the first place.
But so ended my third(?)life. My fourth life was better, much better, not a death world, still a magic one, but thankfully no death.
Instead, I was in a blended world, Fairy Tail, LOTR, A Song of Fire and Ice, and for some odd reason The Seven Deadly Sins (Nanatsu no Taizai). Not the worst I'd say, not at all.
It was a good break....still died though.
'And now here I am, in another world, a new life, 13 years later.'I thought to myself. With...a possible system, boy what fun.
We wish to apologize for the delay as the system should have gotten to you many lives ago but we digress!
The one responsible has been reprimanded and has since gone on to spend a couple Eon's in DBD but that's not important!
I grimaced, 'Yikes, I wouldn't wish that upon anybody, that world or Runescape honestly. Hell, Calamity Terraria would be a million times easier than that place.'
So here it is!
Your Eroge System!
I did a spit take, "Wait, WHAT!"
Yes, we know you're happy! If we were in your shoes we'd be too!
Regardless, just like Dating Sims and everything else that's at least Hentai adjacent, you too are the new User for this brand new system! Patent Pending of course.
But now relationships and everything else are a thing of the past, want to have a harem of a million waifus?
"Now hold on a minute."
Or to enjoy the thrill of the hunt for the coldest of babes, gods or otherwise?!
"Good sir, see here-"
Or pave the path to heaven and hell with the biggest schlong known to man!?
"No!"
Well, you're in luck! Because the Eroge System is here for you!
My hands were clasped over my face, my annoyance palpable. As before, the letters still would not leave my sight.
'What even is my life, man.'
[Installing the Eroge System]
[0.4%]
[4.6%]
[15.5%]
[49.20%]
[75.08%]
[100%]
[Eroge System installed! Happy Hunting!]
Why yes, because why not?
